Paul says that our relationships with other Christians are not something we should take for granted. He says that we are to maintain - not create - these relationships. If you are a Christian, you automatically are in relationship with other Christians. You are united to one another because you are united in Christ. Because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, you already share a deep bond that has been given to you by grace. Therefore, these relationships are gifts to be managed with great care. I am either being a good or bad steward of these gifts. If I hinger my relationships with other believers in any way, I am devaluing these relationships. If I gossip or engage in ungodly conflict, I harm the gift God has given. But if I am willing to pursue, forgive, and serve, I demonstrate care for these gifts....

Paul leads with character qualities that are opposite of what often drives our relationships. It is important to note that these are character qualities before they are actions towards others. Humility enables us to see our own sin before we focus on the sin and weakness of another. Do you hold others to a higher standard than you do yourself? A gentle person is not weak, but someone who uses their strength to empower others. A gentle person can use strength without damaging those he is trying to help. Do people regularly feel bruised in their relationship with you? A patient person is someone who places the needs of others higher than, or at the same level as, his own. He doesn't come with a self-centered agenda. A forbearing person is someone who does all this even when provoked. In other words, people who are patient and forbearing are humble and gentle even when they are provoked or when the investment they have made in a relationship turns sour. Do you love people with limits that are driven by your own perceived needs or interests? Do others feel as if they must always return a favor to keep you happy with them?

Whenever we try to give our relationships purpose, we become impatient, frustrated, and exploitative. and since we are all sinners, we will always thwart each other's purposes. This dynamic begins to reveal why God has put us in relationships. Our purpose is to get what we want, but God's purpose is to give us what we really need. God ultimately wants us to mature, to be built up, and to stop acting like infants. He wants the things that ruled Christ's heart to rule ours as well.

This is where the true value of our relationships run counter to what we normally think. We think things are going well only if we are getting along with others. But God says that it is also when we are not getting along with others that he is accomplishing his purposes! ... when we are frustrated and ready to give up, God is as work, revealing the places where we have given in to a selfish agenda (the diagnosis). He then uses that new awareness to help us grow precisely where we have struggled (the cure).

Paul Tripp/Tim Lane