i'm learning...

not to expect things that may seem important to me.

It's fun to be involved in a lot of things... but sometimes you just have to stop because your body cannot go any further.
This afternoon/evening was a nice break - even tho i was supposed to be studying for a test - it was quite relaxing. Tomorrow morning its back to the grind of life.

:)

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13

the neverending competition to be cool

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." ~Ephesians 4:29


Back in high school I realized something.

I realized one day that much of what everyone said was a competition in trying to make yourself feel better while putting someone else down. Everyone would be talking - could be about anything - and teasing each other and stuff and I found so often that someone would put down another person, probably with something small, but the only intent of putting the other person down to make other people laugh at themselves or think they are better, or to just feel cool about themselves. The only reason for doing this was building yourself up - at the expense of someone else. Why make someone else feel stupid just so you can get a laugh from others around at how much cooler you are than the other person? Well... in the end, this only makes the first person look self centered.

I decided back in high school that I did not want to tear others down in order to make myself feel better. Of course sometimes that tendency slips back out again, however I don't want to be self focused in my speech. After seeing friends doing it to other friends, or to myself, I have both seen and felt the effects of blowing someone off and I don't want to be the person causing another person any pain. I want to be a person who is others focused, and building others up in my speech. God calls us to not let any unwholesome talk out of our mouths, but rather only what is building up to others. Our speech should be beneficial to those listening, not words that tear them down and hurt them. This can be done in the littlest things, so small we may not even realize it. All it does however is hurt other people, and make ourselves feel cool (for like, a second) and usually pretty shallow as well.

Anyway... that was my thought over the past few days.

my daily prayer...

It was Your grace that drew me to the cross
It was Your grace that gave me faith
It was Your grace that reconciled me to Yourself
Though I had sinned in every way
You disarmed me of everything that I would lean on
So I would lean on You
And You stripped me of everything I would depend on
So I’d depend on You

In You alone my strength is found
In You alone my hope abounds
In You alone my strength is found
My life is bound up in You

And in my weakness give me still more grace
Grace to cast myself on You
In every trial let me find Your peace and joy
And grace to humbly walk with You
O disarm me of everything that I would lean on
So I will lean on You
Jesus, strip me of everything I would depend on
So I’ll depend on You

Give me more grace
Give me more grace
And new mercies every morning
Give me new mercies

we live in a backwards world

Why when a public figure like President Clinton, or the more recent Governor Spitzer have extramarital affairs, or engage in prostitution, the country is shocked and wants them to resign, etc... when every day normal people are doing the same exact thing, and destroying families, yet it is overlooked completely? Yes, they live public lives, while normal people do not. But the fact is, both are still destroying families, and the normal people get away with having affairs, while the public figures have to face what they did and apologize to everyone. yeah... just a thought.

Life in the fast lane

So I'm off work today... which is very nice. I never really get a day off unless I have something else to do. But today I couldn't go in because of a training class being held in the office.

I realized lately how busy my life is. Who would have thought life would be so busy when I'm only taking 2 classes. My life right now consists of going to work - as much as possible, which usually ends up to be between 20-30 hours a week depending on whats going on. I def need to be getting more hours in, just money-wise though. There really isn't a whole lot to do (but don't tell Joe that). :-P

On Monday and Wednesday nights I have classes. I'm taking Intro to Special Ed - which is interesting, except kinda boring. The prof is funny, but his lectures are a bit too dramatic. When he talks he turns it all into a dramatic story, and its kinda annoying. But either way, we are learning some interesting stuff - we just started working on disorders that students have. My other class is the one I need for my major - Spanish 201. I love the people in this class, we have fun, but the teacher is extreme. She talks very loudly and doesn't really teach - just has us repeat words without explaining what they mean. But we still have fun, I just don't really feel ready for that class.

Outside of school and work I have found myself to be pretty busy as well. I pick Aidan up from daycare 3 days a week, and either take her home or babysit her for awhile before taking her home. She is so sweet, I love watching her. I also just started helping Charity get the puppet team back up and running at church. This is pretty exciting to get this going again and think about what we're going to do.

I'm also applying to schools right now to try and figure out where I want to transfer to next fall. I've applied to a bunch of schools, but I don't know which one I'd like to pick. So far I've been accepted to all that I've completely applied to. There are two I haven't sent everything in to yet. I'm hoping the school I'm supposed to go to will be made very clear to me, as I don't particularly have a preference, but I would like to go to one that isn't extremely expensive, possibly close by, although I would love to go away and live in a dorm. But it will all be made clear eventually.

My caregroup also keeps me busy. I love my caregroup so much, they are my closest friends (along with Ashley), and we have so much fun together. This weekend we're having a square dance for the whole singles ministry. It should be fun, probably kind of awkward though.

Anyway, life is good. I'm busy, I have friends who care for me no matter what, and I'm looking ahead to the future with excitement. Hopefully I'll be posting on here more often.

In the words of one of my favorite authors....

Take the time to read this, its so encouraging.

I named this blog after this section of "Beside Still Waters" by Charles Spurgeon

My dear believer, you must totally trust the Lord in everything and concerning everything. "Trust in Him at all times." Trust in the shadow of his winds. Trust in the light of his countenance.

Some have only learned to trust the smile of His face, but they must also learn to trust the blows of His fist. God brings us to that! "No," you say, "I can never come to that." But surely you can! Did not one of old say, "Though he slay me, yet I will trust Him" (Job 13:15)? This is precisely what we mean.

God's children undergo a variety of experiences. Today your heart is a place of sacrifice, tomorrow a battlefield. In turn, your soul is a temple and a threshing floor. But whatever your ups and downs, you will never be removed from your ordained and appointed place. By the grace of God, you are where you are and where you shall be. You will never be effectually removed from the Lord. Infinite love holds you.

Since you trusted in the Lord there have been times when you felt that you did not receive the expected support and comfort. And yet it came. Will you now leave Him and look elsewhere? God forbid! At the very worst, our gospel is better than the world at its best. I would rather drink the dregs of Christ's wine vat, when the berries are sour, than swallow the sweetest wine of the vintage of unbelief. Believe the gospel, whether or not it yields immediate comfort. We would sooner be God's dogs than the devil's darlings.

"The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace." (Num 6:26)

A Promise of Future Grace

Piper writes, "The biblical role of past grace - especially the cross - is to guarantee the certainty of future grace: 'He who did not spare his won son but gave him up for us all [past grace], will he not also freely give us all things with him [future grace]?' (Romans 8:32). Trusting in future grace is the enabling strength of our obedience. The more we trust in future grace, the more we give God the opportunity in our lives to show the glory of his inexhaustible grace. So take a promise of future grace and do some radical act of obedience on it. God will be mightily honored." (A Godward Life)

Defining the Gospel

At our last caregroup meeting, we were asked to define the gospel in our own words, and also in less than 25 words. So we started writing, it was hard to fit in 25 words or less! I actually wrote a couple of versions, trying to get it just right. That is impossible, but I tried. :-P Afterwards, we read ours to the group, and everyone's were really good. It was really impacting to hear people's different takes on one major event. There is so much to be said, yet certain aspects can stand out to different people. Here are my two versions (after I just wrote down the gospel song haha):

1. (This one is basically the gospel song in my own words :-P )
Holy God became lowly man to die a gruesome death, declaring me, a sinner, righteous so I could live forever with Him.

2. God became man to save his children who turned against him, to declare them righteous in his eyes so they can live in heaven forever.


Writing out the simple truth can be a huge reminder of such a great act of mercy.

The story of my life the past few months

Over the past few months God's providence has been so evident in the life of my family.

Back over the summer my parents found a house in West Virginia, it was nice, great location and an amazing low price. They decided against looking any more into it though because they didn't think it was time.

Towards the end of the summer, they suddenly decided to pull all of my siblings out of the church's school and homeschool them.

Then, at the end of the summer, they ran across this house once again. It was still on the market, which was amazing due to how cheap it was. My dad decided to put an offer on it just to see what would happen. He offered them about $80,000 less than they were asking. Soon enough, we found out that they had accepted!

Approximately in that same week, also around the first week of school, Josh and I both unexpectedly got full scholarships for the year.

Then soon enough it was final! They settled on the house, and we were making plans to move. Josh and I stayed here while everyone else moved to West Virginia.

My family moved the week before Thanksgiving. Josh and I are staying here with our grandparents, still settling into the quiet life at home.

Looking back, I find it amazing how everything fit in perfectly. My parents pulled the kids out of school right before they found the house again. If the kids had stayed in the school, they wouldn't have been able to make the decision to move so easily. It also provided extra money they weren't paying in tuition. The scholarships Josh and I got came right in time for us to switch to paying bills.

Now they are gone, finally owning a house again. God works in a mysterious way, and in the end, he does work for the good! I'm excited to see what is to come.

Ephesians 1:7-23

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

Thanksgiving and Prayer

For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, the hope to which he has called you, what are having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might seated him at his right handthat he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

verses and thoughts

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you." ~Isaiah 54:10

"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord." ~Jeremiah 29:11-14

"When I said, 'My foot is slipping,'
your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul." ~Psalm 94:18-19

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to do on the heights." - Habakkuk 3:17-19


I have so much faith for my future. Why? Because I know that God is in supreme control over it. Even when the fig tree is not budding and there aren't any grapes on the vine, and it may be easy to think that God isn't providing, he is. That was all in his plan as well, and he wants it to be used to learn from and trust in Him.

God is unchangeable. That never ceases to amaze me. No matter what happens, he continues to love me, and even adore me. I really can't understand why, because I am such a sinful person, but that only makes God so much bigger to me! It only makes me want to know him and try to understand him more! It makes me can't wait to meet him someday. I am up and down and dependent on my feelings, but God isn't. God is love. He loves me and he hates sin. I only wish I wasn't so lazy, arrogant and selfish by trying to take away God's glory and give it to myself. Or by not having my quiet times. Why wouldn't I want to spend as much time as possible with the King of the universe who is also my loving Father? I am endlessly stupid. (surprise surprise?)

Spurgeon says, "If you sow in hope, you will reap in joy. Therefore, 'be strong and very courageous'."

May I be sowing in hope, recognizing that God is in control of everything, whether that be work, school, relationships, finances, family stuff, or anything under the sun. He is there, he knew about it long before it was to occur and had a plan laid out for how it would happen. Not trusting in him that his plan is right is just the arrogance of us stupid humans. May I sow in hope, so that I can reap joy in my Savior.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." - Psalm 37:4-5

life as i know it

so what i should be doing right now is either sleeping or writing a paper. however, because i am wide awake, yet too distracted to write anything logical or coherent on the harlem renaissance, i decided to look up this old blog and see if it still existed. it did in fact, i just had to find the password.

school is almost over for this year. i have two exams and two papers left. i think that adds up to five somehow.

tomorrow my caregroup is going to a baseball game, but i don't think i'll go. dont particularly want to, and dont have time at all.

after school ends, i dont know what my life will look like. i will most likely dive head first into work and try to keep myself occupied with that. altho that place is getting more and more boring as the season ends and i am running out of things to do, however some stuff we have been saving for when i get out of school so i'll have more to do soon, hopefully.

my parents have also been encouraging me to find more places to serve in the church, so i've been giving that some thought as to where i would like to serve. i've considered going back to imag, as that was fun and i enjoyed that a lot, or possibly back to childrens ministry or being a champion, not sure about getting up that early every sunday tho :-P i'm not sure what else there is altho i'm sure there are lots of ways i could serve i just havent looked into it yet. they also have brought up me going to mexico (like this june) haha... i don't think that will really work...

ok, well i need to be heading to bed. i have to work at some point tomorrow, and as i said, lots of papers and tests to study for and write. maybe its time for a trip to panera or something to work. hopefully less distraction

right now i really should be studying for some tests this week but i can't, so i'm just wasting time on this thing i never get on otherwise. i've been working all day... omg which reminds me, i have to do a bibliography.. oops. oh well it'll take like 2 seconds.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am i excited you say?

Because I'm going to pick up Cynthia from school for Christmas break!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yup... Brett, Jeff and I are going down, and maybe Sarah, we're not sure yet, on December 15th right after my last exam. which probably means i'll be able to sing at the Australian Embassy after all.

oh crap i just realized i have to write a paper on the show i saw last week... argh...
eh... it'll take like 2 seconds too. i've already finished my works cited in the time it's taken to write this entry.

oh my... ::sigh::



okie leaving.

hi... haven't been on here in awhile!

scripture and finishing the year STRONG

It's end of the school year. I don't think i've ever been this sad about school ending. With graduation in June, and close friends moving away in august, it's time to trust in God. I'm excited about graduating, but also, i'd also really like it to have more than just 3 weeks left of school and 5 weeks until graduation. :)

anyway....
scriptures to meditate on:

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 94:18-19
When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Psalm 13:6
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me. ("Bronsonian bold")

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

hello blog. i'm here. the fun has arrived!