Some might say that going thru a year such as this is would be the worst in their life. Maybe it has been. I feel like I've said that a few times in the past, and I may say it again in the future... but let's hope not. It may have been the worst in some ways.... but in other ways it was the most freeing. I may look back on this year with some terrible memories, but I also am choosing to look back on it and see the good.
Sitting here this December, as everything is so very different from last December, I'm listening to some Christmas music but not totally in a Christmas mood. As the year comes to an end, I have much to be thankful for. I also have much I'm still processing, and I'm shocked it's already the end of the year. People always say the years fly by, and they do... I'm sort of glad this year seems to have flown.
This has been a year of turmoil for me, but despite the turmoil I have come out on top, stronger and more alive. It's been a year of unrest, yet finding peace. A year of being betrayed, but becoming empowered. A year of learning who real friends are; making strangers of friends, and friends out of strangers; yet learning how to spend time by myself. A year of taking risks, and being independent. A year of being knocked down, but learning how to stand up for myself. A year of faking it til I make it. A year of sometimes just trying to do the basics in order to survive another day, but more often taking strides to create a better future for myself.
It's been a year of being a little more selfish, but building self-respect. This year I've been a little more angry at times, yet also gained so much more love and compassion for others in this world. I've set aside so many of the constraints I grew up with, and haven't given a damn about it, even if others have.
In my lonely moments, I've learned more about myself. I've cried hard but laughed harder.
This year started off cloudy, even in the opening hours of the new year. But as I sit here in the calm of this December, that weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm looking forward to whatever I make of my future. It's unknown right now, but it's already looking bright.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone
