Saturday, November 27, 2010

psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.


this psalm becomes so much more real when being recited by my clients.

Monday, September 13, 2010

love.

"In those rare moments, when we are brutally honest with ourselves about the poverty of our love, isn't it painful to realize that we are, by nature, so sinful and flawed? We don't love as we should, we feel guilty, and we hide from the Lord because we think that he is like us: selfish, loveless, disappointed, and angry (although we would never say so openly). We assume that he is displeased with us, so we determine a gain to be more loving to try and get in his good graces. We inevitably fail again. Try as we might, while our attention is focused on ourselves, we just don't change. Failure drives us away from our Savior; we are blind to his eternal smile. We see the law, we see how we sin, we struggle to believe that he continues to love us with such great love, and we condemn our lack of zeal. What will ignite a white hot passion in our hearts? Only trusting in God's love for us. Only the gospel annihilates self-condemnation. Only love stimulates love."
Elyse Fitzpatrick
Counsel from the Cross

Monday, June 07, 2010

fear

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

The devil has been planting seeds of fear and doubt into my head over the past few days. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of being out of control. However, God has been faithful to remind me of his goodness during these times. He has promised to be good to me, so why should I fear? Jeremiah 29:11-14 reminds me of that promise.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

David was often fearful, or felt forsaken by God. However in Psalm 94 he says "He who planted the ear, does he not hear? He who formed the eye, does he not see? ... He who teaches man knowledge -- the Lord -- knows the thoughts of man, that they are but a breath." (vs 9-10) and later... "For the Lord will not forsake his people" (vs 14), and finally, "When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul" (vs 19) and "But the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge." (vs 22).

To fight this fear, I've been meditating on God's love and promised goodness to us. If he is good, what is there to fear? Even when I am bitter, fearful or angry, God will continue to uphold me with his righteous hand of love. (Psalm 73) "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (vs 25-26).

God commands us not to fear: "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; will strengthen you and I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10). If God promises to uphold us, and to give us good things (Psalm 34, Psalm 37), what do I have to fear? The devil has no hold on me.

God is so much greater than any problem I may face, so what gives me the right to think I am outside of his grasp? "Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one,and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing." (Isaiah 40:26)

"It is God who brings out the stars; it was God who first set them in space; he is their Maker and Master -- they are all in his hands and subject to his will. Such are his power and his majesty. Behold your God!" (Knowing God, JI Packer)

Yet at the same time God is personal and knows each and every thing about us. We cannot flee from his presence (Psalm 139:7), he has formed us, and loves us, and nothing we can do is hidden from him (vs 13-15).

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! (vs 23-24)

So if the Lord is good, promises to uphold us and give us good things, He is in control of the heavens and the earth, and still cares for each of us personally, and he has a wonderful plan for our future, I ask myself yet again, what is there to fear?

The answer? Nothing.

May the power of God overcome the whispering lies of the devil in my mind and bring comfort and peace for me to trust in Him for my future.

It is well with my soul.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

psalm 37:4

'Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.'


This is one of my favorite verses. It says so much in such a short sentence. When I first read this verse, I got super excited, thinking, "wow if I love God he'll give me what I want!" This, however is a very superficial way of reading this loaded verse. It's so much more than just getting what I want.

If I am delighting myself in the Lord, the desires of my heart will be in line with his. What I want and what God wants will be the same. Delighting myself in the Lord is obeying his commands and following his laws and loving him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. If I love him with all of these things, he will give me the desires of my heart. He will do what is for my good and his glory.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

matt 27.51-54

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!"

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

10 Resolutions For Mental Health

(This was taken from John Piper's blog)


On October 22, 1976, Clyde Kilby, who is now with Christ in Heaven, gave an unforgettable lecture. I went to hear him that night because I loved him. He had been one of my professors in English Literature at Wheaton College. He opened my eyes to more of life than I knew could be seen. O, what eyes he had! He was like his hero, C. S. Lewis, in this regard. When he spoke of the tree he saw on the way to class this morning, you wondered why you had been so blind all your life. Since those days in classes with Clyde Kilby, Psalm 19:1 has been central to my life: “The sky is telling the glory of God.”

That night Dr. Kilby had a pastoral heart and a poet’s eye. He pled with us to stop seeking mental health in the mirror of self-analysis, but instead to drink in the remedies of God in nature. He was not naïve. He knew of sin. He knew of the necessity of redemption in Christ. But he would have said that Christ purchased new eyes for us as well as new hearts. His plea was that we stop being unamazed by the strange glory of ordinary things. He ended that lecture in 1976 with a list of resolutions. As a tribute to my teacher and a blessing to your soul, I offer them for your joy.

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death when he said: "There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing."

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic" existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder."

8. I shall follow Darwin's advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, "fulfill the moment as the moment." I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Jason Castro

So tonight I went to my real first concert, and it was a good one - Jason Castro at Jammin' Java!
He was there with Caitlin Crosby and Matt Hires - both great artists as well!

kinda awful pics... but memorable! haha
we were so close to the stage!!




Such a fun night!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Is God Really In Control?

chapter6.

"If you stop and think about it, you will realize that most godly character traits can only be developed through adversity. God in His infinite wisdom knows exactly what adversity we need to grow more and more into the likeness of His Son."

"We are almost insatiable in our quest for the "why" of the adversity that come upon us. But this is a futile as well as an untrusting task. God's ways, being the ways of infinite wisdom, simply cannot be comprehended by our finite minds."

"God's wisdom is fathomless; His decisions are unsearchable; His methods are mysterious and untraceable. No one has ever even understood His mind, let alone advised Him on the proper course of action. How futile and even arrogant for us to seek to determine what God is doing in a particular event or circumstance. We simply cannot search out the reasons behind His decisions or trace out the ways by which He brings those decisions to pass.
If we are to experience peace in our souls in times of adversity, we must come to the place where we truly believe that God's ways are simply beyond us and stop asking Him "why" or even tying to determine it ourselves. This may seem like an intellectual "cop out", a refusal to deal with the really tough issues of life. In fact, it is just the opposite. It is a surrender to the truth about God and our cirumstances as it is revealed to us by God himself in His inspired Word."


Jerry Bridges

Friday, January 08, 2010

2009 in photos

january
marchforlife
moving in with new roommates
february
first snow day
painting our red wall
my crazy roommates
and our guest housemate, fred.
once again, my crazy roommate.
march
carmen and i traveled to nyc

and saw Edi Gathegi (the guy on the left)
in nyc really late at night
pearl, my parents' new puppy
april
my grandpa passed away
jenn and i went to nyc
jean and i went to liberty u to visit kelly and cynth
in the tunnel that goes under the highway
may
blowing up groundhog holes at kelley's
photoshoot in west virginia
too much high school musical?
june
lena, carmen and i had a photoshoot in damascus and church
jimmy cone
july
reid passed away
june-august::camp
me as mike wazowski
rachel::british epic chest bump friend
hana:: british crazy dancing friend
hana and nicole, camp moms
jordan and i - the best camp moms EVER. (and the hottest)
michelle:my co-counselor. and our feelings about camp at the end.
august
carmen and i in our new apartment
jenn and i in our new room

september
aisle 5 at it's best
october
going trick or treating with a monster/witch/vampire named kelley
november

playing pranks on charity (and consequentially, lena)


december
aisle 5 realizes they're snowed in:
so we make the best of it
aisle 5 in the blizzard
aisle 5 snow reports in the blizzard
blizzard





new years eve at the kovlak's playing with her nice camera