2011...

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
go to the redskins cowboys game!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
nope

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
hmm... not particularly close, but so many people are pregnant!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
no where. :(

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn't have in 2011?
a love sac! http://www.lovesac.com/sacs/supersac-with-black-bear-phur-cover.html

7. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't really remember dates anymore... but March in general :-) and late january.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
continuing to work hard with clients and helping them with stuff

9. What was your biggest failure?
failure? whaaat??

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
nope

11. What was the best thing you bought?
derek's jordans haha... or my michael kors and kate spade bag :-) hehe

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
idk this question is just weird. (ditto last year's response)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
eh. no one.

14. Where did most of your money go?
normal stuff... but was able to buy a few fun things for myself

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
a certain man lol

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
hey baby by pitbull, dj got us falling in love again by usher, party rock anthem (of course)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: happier
ii. richer or poorer?: richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
taken a vacation!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
hm. idk. i'd rather end the year thinking of good things instead of regrets.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
i spent it with my family and cousins and then hung out with derek that night while he was working

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
perhaps. ;-)

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
law and order svu, grey's anatomy, private practice

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
90s rap

28. What did you want and get?

i wasn't necessarily wanting this a year ago, but i got a pretty awesome boy

29. What did you want and not get?
i'm good.

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
muppets! aaand. hmmm... lion king 3d. lol

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
24 years - derek took me to mccormick and schmicks and then surprised me at the piano bar by having all my friends there, then on my actual birthday we had a cookout at my house

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
hmm.. nothing

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
lol. lazy.

34. What kept you sane?
my job, working out, derek

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
oh who else but george clooney?

37. Who did you miss?
no one

38. Who was the best new person you met?
new clients lol

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
"if you think you've done everything perfectly, it turns out you've only been making mistakes" - client

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey.

and

baby kiss me thru the phone lol

god,

i'm going to be honest with you, because even tho you know exactly what's going on inside of me, i haven't talked honestly to you about it.

i've been preoccupied with other things lately. you haven't been the number one in my life. i've let you fall to the wayside and even blamed you for that. i've been lukewarm, and allowed my behavioralist education to become my primary belief system.

to be honest, you aren't the most important part of my life right now. relationships are, my job, my friends, my own desires - such as rest and relaxation - are my first importance.

but god, this isn't what i truly want. i'd like a love for you to come easily, but i think it's become clear that doesn't happen.

lord, i want you to change me. i need clarity on what is true and what is not. i want to know where you want me to be and what you want me to do with my life.

lord, i want and desire a strong passion for you! i want to genuinely enjoy and adore you. it's been so long since i've felt your presence, god. please meet me lord! overwhelm me with your love!

i love you, lord. more than anything this earth can give me. i know there is nothing greater than you, but help me to feel that!

i want a heart that is willing to sacrifice everything for your name's sake.

lord, i love you, i want you, and you tell us that if we knock at the door, you will answer, and if we seek we will find, and if we ask it will be given to us.

well lord, here i am, asking, seeking and knocking. i want you to be my one and only, i want you to be my all! i want nothing more than for you to consume my life.

fill me father, fill me til my cup overflows.

change my life, lord. i'm ready to follow you.

amen.

the ups and downs of friendship

well.... life has given me some direction. :-)

some thoughts i've had recently...

true friendships are there with you through the thick and the thin. they are there during the times when schedules line up and you hang out all the time, and the times when it takes weeks to see the other person and all you can do is send a text now and then to let them know you're still thinking of them. a true friend sticks with you not just when you're constantly there for them, but also when they need to be there for you. a one sided friendship will never last. it only wears out the person doing all the work.

it's sad when someone you've dedicated a lot of time and energy to, someone you've helped countless times and were there for them during many difficult times, someone you had a lot of memories with and considered to be a friend, stops talking to you and basically tells you they don't want to be friends unless you can dedicate more time to them.

in my sin and selfishness, i can feel like i deserve more than that because i know i've put in a lot of work, and had a lot of patience towards someone who i didn't always feel deserved it, i feel like i've laid aside other friendships to pursue someone because i knew they needed a friend, i feel like i've encouraged and discipled and counseled someone when i was in a weak place and needing some encouragement myself, and for what? to have someone try to make me feel guilty whenever i couldn't hang out, or to get annoyed with me when i couldn't talk, and to give up on me entirely when my schedule got too busy to hang out multiple times a week.

after considering all of these things, i have 2 choices, to get mad and feel like it was all a waste of time, or to think of how jesus would respond. jesus loved the people who rejected him. he commands us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. strong words. but how much more would he want us to love and pray for those who ignore us, or that friend who takes up all your time, or the friend who stops speaking to you? probably a lot more. that's something i need to work on.

dear life,

i need some direction.

please help me out here.

thanks,

me

2010 summed up in a dumb survey.

2010...

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
graduate college, get a real job, buy a car

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
nope

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
don't think so

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
no where. sadly.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you didn't have in 2010?
hmm.... not sure.

7. What date(s) from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
may - end of aisle 5 and college, august - got a job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
graduating college! and getting a job. :) i'm sensing a theme here.

9. What was your biggest failure?
i don't fail.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
i've been surprisingly healthy this year... in comparison.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
a car.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
idk this question is just weird.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
no one's. everyone behaved this year. [for once]

14. Where did most of your money go?
mostly to paying bills, and gas, and car payments, but towards the end of the year i was able to buy more fun stuff like starting to rebuild my wardrobe and whatnot. soon i'll be looking for some cheap furniture. and tomorrow i'm buying a camera.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
being done with college!!!!! and getting a job!!!!!! :-P

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
the final countdown, reach for the stars, fireflies, firework, fall for you, all the kesha and lady gaga crap

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: happier
ii. richer or poorer?: richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
idk, i think i relaxed enough! lol

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
idk

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family and then with my cousins and grandparents

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
nope

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
law and order svu, grey's anatomy

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nah

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
david lanz and yiruma, but also chill stuff like regina and ingrid.

28. What did you want and get?
a job!!

29. What did you want and not get?
hmm idk. i think i'm good.

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
toy story 3, inception, tangled,

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
23 years - i went to angel's fight, out to lunch, and then to a bar that night

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
i could think of a few things.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
mostly just comfortable.

34. What kept you sane?
friends, and clients ironically. lol

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
george clooney duh

37. Who did you miss?
jean b chang!!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
coworkers and clients!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
don't change who you are based on other people's judgments.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
she's a maaaaniac! maaaaaniac!!!!

psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

this psalm becomes so much more real when being recited by my clients.

Paul says that our relationships with other Christians are not something we should take for granted. He says that we are to maintain - not create - these relationships. If you are a Christian, you automatically are in relationship with other Christians. You are united to one another because you are united in Christ. Because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, you already share a deep bond that has been given to you by grace. Therefore, these relationships are gifts to be managed with great care. I am either being a good or bad steward of these gifts. If I hinger my relationships with other believers in any way, I am devaluing these relationships. If I gossip or engage in ungodly conflict, I harm the gift God has given. But if I am willing to pursue, forgive, and serve, I demonstrate care for these gifts....

Paul leads with character qualities that are opposite of what often drives our relationships. It is important to note that these are character qualities before they are actions towards others. Humility enables us to see our own sin before we focus on the sin and weakness of another. Do you hold others to a higher standard than you do yourself? A gentle person is not weak, but someone who uses their strength to empower others. A gentle person can use strength without damaging those he is trying to help. Do people regularly feel bruised in their relationship with you? A patient person is someone who places the needs of others higher than, or at the same level as, his own. He doesn't come with a self-centered agenda. A forbearing person is someone who does all this even when provoked. In other words, people who are patient and forbearing are humble and gentle even when they are provoked or when the investment they have made in a relationship turns sour. Do you love people with limits that are driven by your own perceived needs or interests? Do others feel as if they must always return a favor to keep you happy with them?

Whenever we try to give our relationships purpose, we become impatient, frustrated, and exploitative. and since we are all sinners, we will always thwart each other's purposes. This dynamic begins to reveal why God has put us in relationships. Our purpose is to get what we want, but God's purpose is to give us what we really need. God ultimately wants us to mature, to be built up, and to stop acting like infants. He wants the things that ruled Christ's heart to rule ours as well.

This is where the true value of our relationships run counter to what we normally think. We think things are going well only if we are getting along with others. But God says that it is also when we are not getting along with others that he is accomplishing his purposes! ... when we are frustrated and ready to give up, God is as work, revealing the places where we have given in to a selfish agenda (the diagnosis). He then uses that new awareness to help us grow precisely where we have struggled (the cure).

Paul Tripp/Tim Lane