blue skies above
friends all around us
in a world filled with love
taps sounding softly
hearts beating true
as campers say
goodnight to you
day is done
gone the sun
from the lakes from the hills from the sky
all is well
safely rest
god is nigh
Sunday, July 26, 2009
camp goodnight song
green trees around us
blue skies above
friends all around us
in a world filled with love
taps sounding softly
hearts beating true
as campers say
goodnight to you
day is done
gone the sun
from the lakes from the hills from the sky
all is well
safely rest
god is nigh
blue skies above
friends all around us
in a world filled with love
taps sounding softly
hearts beating true
as campers say
goodnight to you
day is done
gone the sun
from the lakes from the hills from the sky
all is well
safely rest
god is nigh
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Reid Lewis Jones
My cousin Reid (22 yrs old) passed away on Saturday of pneumonia. For those of you who don't know, he had severe brain damage, cerebral palsy, was blind along with some other problems. He was a blessing to our family and to others who knew him and today at the memorial service I said the following,
When we were younger, a song we dubbed as Reid’s song went like this, “Peter and John went to pray, they met a young man on the way, he asked for alms and held out his palms and this is what Peter did say, 'Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk!' He went walking and leaping and praising God! Etc…”
Growing up, we used to pray for Reid’s healing almost every night before bed. We prayed for God to heal him and that one day he would just get up and walk. But God had better plans for Reid to impact people. He didn’t need to have a voice to preach or the capability to walk. Instead, God used Reid’s incapabilities to show others the love of God.
In this sad world we live in, kids like Reid aren’t always cared for, but the opposite happened with Reid. His family willingly took on the burden of caring for him. This meant diaper changes, milk pump feedings, rushing to the hospital, shaving his face, moving his heavy stiff body, late nights and early mornings and probably many other things I don’t even know about, the tasks only grew as he got older. I never once heard a complaint. I believe he brought their family closer as they accepted the situation and were grateful for him.
Reid was involved in every aspect of family life. He sat in the same room with us, moved to the dining room when we did, listened as we all yelled during football games, or sang songs or performed skits. I remember as a kid loving to climb up on his wheelchair when he wasn’t in it, thinking it was pretty cool. The younger kids even got to sit on his lap sometimes. We used to lay on his wedge with him sometimes too, he was always included. I remember Vicky opening his presents at every birthday and Christmas and reading him the cards and then letting him feel the present with his hands and putting it in his lap. I remember babysitting him and just sitting and holding his hand or rubbing his chest when he was upset, or turning on silly music with Erin for him to listen to and then running away giggling, leaving him to listen to whatever we had turned on – poor guy! One particular time I remember was at my graduation party, my friends and I were talking and laughing all over the family room and Reid was sitting right there with us included in the fun. I always appreciated how at events or church, people would greet him along with everyone else, he was never ignored.
My recent favorite memory was Reid’s 21st birthday. Many people dropped by as the night went on, unexpected friends old and new filled their home. The girls pulled out the camera and took tons of pictures of each other and we gathered around Reid and took pictures and made goofy faces. I remember laughing about how most guys would love to be surrounded by girls on their 21st birthday and he got just that! Even though we were his sisters and cousins. Us girls are big gigglers and he got a lot of that that night. It’s how he knew us since he couldn’t see us. He probably knew there was trouble when he heard the giggling starting up.
As we all know, Reid was special. God allowed Reid to live a long life. He made it through 22 years of life when he wasn't expected to live a few days, and when kids like him don't usually get through their teen years. God has been so good to Reid.
In Reid, I see a glimpse of heaven. Because by looking at him, and being with him, I get to long for the days when I get to talk with him, walk with him, and run with him around the pearly streets of heaven. In Reid, I see a day where there will be no more suffering, no more handicaps, no more hardship, no more tears. One day, we will be up in heaven, and Reid will be there too, and he will be talking to us, and we will be able to laugh and sing and talk of God's mercy. I cannot wait to spend eternity with him, marveling in the goodness of God. And I cannot wait to go "walking and leaping and praising God" with him!
When we were younger, a song we dubbed as Reid’s song went like this, “Peter and John went to pray, they met a young man on the way, he asked for alms and held out his palms and this is what Peter did say, 'Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk!' He went walking and leaping and praising God! Etc…”
Growing up, we used to pray for Reid’s healing almost every night before bed. We prayed for God to heal him and that one day he would just get up and walk. But God had better plans for Reid to impact people. He didn’t need to have a voice to preach or the capability to walk. Instead, God used Reid’s incapabilities to show others the love of God.
In this sad world we live in, kids like Reid aren’t always cared for, but the opposite happened with Reid. His family willingly took on the burden of caring for him. This meant diaper changes, milk pump feedings, rushing to the hospital, shaving his face, moving his heavy stiff body, late nights and early mornings and probably many other things I don’t even know about, the tasks only grew as he got older. I never once heard a complaint. I believe he brought their family closer as they accepted the situation and were grateful for him.
Reid was involved in every aspect of family life. He sat in the same room with us, moved to the dining room when we did, listened as we all yelled during football games, or sang songs or performed skits. I remember as a kid loving to climb up on his wheelchair when he wasn’t in it, thinking it was pretty cool. The younger kids even got to sit on his lap sometimes. We used to lay on his wedge with him sometimes too, he was always included. I remember Vicky opening his presents at every birthday and Christmas and reading him the cards and then letting him feel the present with his hands and putting it in his lap. I remember babysitting him and just sitting and holding his hand or rubbing his chest when he was upset, or turning on silly music with Erin for him to listen to and then running away giggling, leaving him to listen to whatever we had turned on – poor guy! One particular time I remember was at my graduation party, my friends and I were talking and laughing all over the family room and Reid was sitting right there with us included in the fun. I always appreciated how at events or church, people would greet him along with everyone else, he was never ignored.
My recent favorite memory was Reid’s 21st birthday. Many people dropped by as the night went on, unexpected friends old and new filled their home. The girls pulled out the camera and took tons of pictures of each other and we gathered around Reid and took pictures and made goofy faces. I remember laughing about how most guys would love to be surrounded by girls on their 21st birthday and he got just that! Even though we were his sisters and cousins. Us girls are big gigglers and he got a lot of that that night. It’s how he knew us since he couldn’t see us. He probably knew there was trouble when he heard the giggling starting up.
As we all know, Reid was special. God allowed Reid to live a long life. He made it through 22 years of life when he wasn't expected to live a few days, and when kids like him don't usually get through their teen years. God has been so good to Reid.
In Reid, I see a glimpse of heaven. Because by looking at him, and being with him, I get to long for the days when I get to talk with him, walk with him, and run with him around the pearly streets of heaven. In Reid, I see a day where there will be no more suffering, no more handicaps, no more hardship, no more tears. One day, we will be up in heaven, and Reid will be there too, and he will be talking to us, and we will be able to laugh and sing and talk of God's mercy. I cannot wait to spend eternity with him, marveling in the goodness of God. And I cannot wait to go "walking and leaping and praising God" with him!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
camp
The kids have been here a week as of today and there are 2 and a half more weeks left. Everyone is getting the flu, or is just feeling crappy in general. Including myself.
And it's raining. I think we just need to go to bed and try to start the day over again.
And it's raining. I think we just need to go to bed and try to start the day over again.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
camp
I've arrived at camp. This place is so gorgeous. Everything is lush and green and cool except the very middle of the day when the sun is right over top. Not a good time to run around outside. Actually I wore a hoodie most of the day. My kind of weather!!
Right now I'm in a bunk with a bunch of other staff, but we'll split up once the kids get here next Wednesday. I met my head counselor today, she is from England and totally awesome! She acts very british too... hilarious.
This week we're in orientation and on Friday (i think... I'm still not really sure what day is it) we may go to Boston. One girl I'm friends with is from that area and was like, eh I guess I'll go. I told her I feel the same way about people going to visit DC. Whyyy??
I'm learning to differentiate between British, Australian, New Zealand and South African accents. It's hard but I'm picking up on it and can notice differences. Some of the girls were joking about how they sounded Australian when really they were british and how they should put on a different county's accent every time they talk to someone new. I thought, they all sound the same to me and probably most other americans here. oh well. :-P they're still fun to listen to. Some girl just came up to me and asked my name in an Irish accent and then was like, I'm actually not Irish I'm just talking like that haha
We have flag raisings and someone wakes us up over a loudspeaker in the morning. But its not super loud like when my mom comes in and sings to me in the morning. Not cool.
Right now everyone is playing games in the staff lounge or watching tv or on computers. I'm probably gonna head to bed soon. I still haven't recovered from the lack of sleep before driving 13 hrs. Plus I'm so dehydrated right now so I just feel tired.
Tomorrow we're making a run to Walmart, which will be good. Already I'm realizing stuff I forgot! Sweatpants (how did i do that?!?!), laundry bag and I need a watch. A lot of girls do haha cuz we can't have our phones on us so we never know what time it is. Then the day after that the boys' camp staff from Lake Winnepasaukee is coming over for some social or dance I think.
Right now all I can think is I can't believe I'll be here for 2 months. Seems like forever now, but it'll probably pass quicker than I think it will. Especially once the kids arrive.
Anyway. I'm gonna go to bed and read for awhile or something.
Right now I'm in a bunk with a bunch of other staff, but we'll split up once the kids get here next Wednesday. I met my head counselor today, she is from England and totally awesome! She acts very british too... hilarious.
This week we're in orientation and on Friday (i think... I'm still not really sure what day is it) we may go to Boston. One girl I'm friends with is from that area and was like, eh I guess I'll go. I told her I feel the same way about people going to visit DC. Whyyy??
I'm learning to differentiate between British, Australian, New Zealand and South African accents. It's hard but I'm picking up on it and can notice differences. Some of the girls were joking about how they sounded Australian when really they were british and how they should put on a different county's accent every time they talk to someone new. I thought, they all sound the same to me and probably most other americans here. oh well. :-P they're still fun to listen to. Some girl just came up to me and asked my name in an Irish accent and then was like, I'm actually not Irish I'm just talking like that haha
We have flag raisings and someone wakes us up over a loudspeaker in the morning. But its not super loud like when my mom comes in and sings to me in the morning. Not cool.
Right now everyone is playing games in the staff lounge or watching tv or on computers. I'm probably gonna head to bed soon. I still haven't recovered from the lack of sleep before driving 13 hrs. Plus I'm so dehydrated right now so I just feel tired.
Tomorrow we're making a run to Walmart, which will be good. Already I'm realizing stuff I forgot! Sweatpants (how did i do that?!?!), laundry bag and I need a watch. A lot of girls do haha cuz we can't have our phones on us so we never know what time it is. Then the day after that the boys' camp staff from Lake Winnepasaukee is coming over for some social or dance I think.
Right now all I can think is I can't believe I'll be here for 2 months. Seems like forever now, but it'll probably pass quicker than I think it will. Especially once the kids arrive.
Anyway. I'm gonna go to bed and read for awhile or something.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Psalm 18
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded. c]">
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I have not done evil by turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the LORD, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as dust borne on the wind;
I poured them out like mud in the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people;
you have made me the head of nations;
people I did not know are subject to me.
44 As soon as they hear me, they obey me;
foreigners cringe before me.
45 They all lose heart;
they come trembling from their strongholds.
46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48 who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from violent men you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name.
50 He gives his king great victories;
he shows unfailing kindness to his anointed,
to David and his descendants forever.
The bolded verse just suddenly popped into my head as I thought about the last month or so. In my distress I called out to the Lord and he answered me and rescued me from the threat of the devil's entanglement.
I leave for camp in 3 days. I'll be there until August 17th. I'm going to try and keep this blog updated with whats going on.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Friday, June 05, 2009
sleep study
So this picture is dark but I couldn't get out of bed to turn on the light because I was wired to the machine. The other night I did a sleep study to try and figure out why I'm sleeping so long and waking up exhausted. The doctor thought I may have sleep apnea - where one wakes up all throughout the night because they've stopped breathing for a period of time, but they never remember this happening because it only goes through their short term memory and never makes it to long term memory, so by morning its all been forgotten. ::takes a breath::
Anyhow... this visit to the doctor was fascinating because I told him I was a psych major and so he was going a little more in depth about things knowing I knew what he was talking about. Whenever I'd learned about sleep and sleep cycles in the past classes I've had I was always so intrigued. He talked to me about how he thinks I may have this thing called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, which is caused by disassociating my bed with sleeping - my guess is this is from many late nights of talking online while sitting in my bed and then going to sleep late.
The way to fix this problem is to do behavioral therapy on myself by changing my routine. Picking a time to go to bed each night and a time to wake up each morning and never straying from that routine. So like he suggested going to bed at 12 every night and waking up at 8 every morning - something I haven't done yet what with hanging out with friends late at night. This will probably become an easier pattern once I'm at camp for the summer and will be waking up before 8 every morning to little girls in my cabin. :) Also, whenever I'm lying in bed and can't fall asleep, I need to get up, leave the room and do something else calm like reading, but no computer or tv or texting because the light that comes off of those can be so harsh that it wakes me up by turning off my melatonin - a chemical in the brain that makes you sleepy, usually set off by darkness. Also, getting out of the bed when I'm not tired will help reaassociate my bed with sleeping instead of laying awake. I also have to make sure I'm not sleeping during the day, even when I've missed sleep at night. I have failed at that this week because there were two nights where I got little to no sleep at all and couldn't keep my eyes open in the morning so I slept.
This therapy will take time to get into and I think will come a bit more naturally while at camp, which by the way I am so excited about - I leave a week from Monday!!
Anyway, this sleep study I did, it looks like I don't have sleep apnea after all, which is good. I didn't want to have to wear this mask thing when I sleep, blech. haha. But I don't think the study was a good representation of how I sleep since they stuck wires all over my face and in my hair (yuck) and had tubes around my nose to see when I was breathing and stuff. There's nothing like being rudely awakened at 5am and then having stickers ripped off your face while you're groggily coming to consciousness.
All this stuff fascinates me. Because I am a nerd. Oh wells. :)
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thunderstorm in a field
So today was insane. And fun.
Last night after saying goodbye to Brian :( Kelley and I decided to go to Elisha's bonfire. We hung out there until like 3am, sitting in the treehouse, talking around the fire, dancing around the fire, attempting to have a "courtship panel" ::panel fail:: etc. Then, the plan for today was to go to Kelley's farm and blow up the groundhog holes.
Today was rainy and humid and overall disgusting. But the plan was still a go. Elisha and I arrived and we had to go get Angel who had missed the house and was parked down the street a bit. So Kelley drove the 4-wheeler and Elisha and I side-saddled on the back thru the fields and stuff. When we were all there it was time to go out to find the holes. Elisha and I were on one 4wheeler and Angel and Kelley on the other, Angel was driving so we were going pretty slow :) (he'd never driven one before).
We drove around looking for holes, Elisha and I drove off down the field ourselves to look for some holes he remembered from before. We couldn't find any fresh ones so we came back to where Angel and Kelley were. They had found some holes so we parked the 4wheeler at a distance, along with the multiple containers of gas we'd brought along. The guys began to pour gas down 4 or 5 of the holes - there were tons. Then after the other 3 of us had backed away, Kelley threw a match down one hole, while standing in the middle of the other 3 holes. Immediately - KAAABOOOOMMM!!! A huge fireball explodes into the air with a blast from every hole while Kelley ducked in cover between the fire. The guys and I went running to get away from it but it was over as soon as it started except a lingering fire which we steered clear of in case it was going to explode more.
After we decided to not pour more gas down any of the holes for fear of it being attached to one of the other holes with fire still in it and blowing ourselves up - yes, we can be smart - we decided to move onto another colony of groundhog holes.
When we had first arrived out in the field, it was just starting to sprinkle and the clouds looked ominious, by this point, there was a stead rain falling and the thunder was clapping louder over our heads but the storm still wasn't quite there and we decided to stick it out a little longer.
Anyway, we get to the new colony and find about 4 holes which we pour gasoline in. The guys wanted me to throw the match in so I agreed reluctantly and told them if I died it was their fault. So I stood behind the hole so the fire wouldn't blow in my face and threw the match in.
It didn't make a KABOOM sound again but huge puffs of fire blew out of three of the holes, while dodging one of them I almost ran into another one. It was exhilerating. We then examined the holes to see what was happening in them and saw there was still a fire in one of them. So we decided to stomp it out with dirt and keep going.
Then suddenly, the storm was right over us. We're in a field, which is the better option? Under a tree or in the middle of a field? Kelley and I felt safe since we were the shortest though :)
Thunder boomed above and lightening shot through the sky, and a downpour quickly soaked us. We ran to the 4wheelers and jumped on heading full speed for the house. Elisha and I got out faster than the other two so we're racing ahead, and the rain is coming down so hard we can't see anything and we're laughing about how insane we are when we realize Kelley went a different way up the field and we're like uh oh can we still go this way?? But we could, fortunately. As we kept going toward the house the rain got harder and heavier and I couldn't see a thing, hopefully Elisha could see better than I could since he was driving.
We pulled up to the house and leaped off the 4wheelers and ran for cover. We were all completely and utterly soaked. All we could do was laugh at ourselves and how crazy we were but how much fun it was. Mrs A took a picture of us before we trudged through the house with our soppy clothes to change. What a relief it was to put on some dry clothes and curl up on the couch with hot chocolate and watch The Patriot. Aahh Mel Gibson :D
Crazy day with crazy friends = perfect memory.
Last night after saying goodbye to Brian :( Kelley and I decided to go to Elisha's bonfire. We hung out there until like 3am, sitting in the treehouse, talking around the fire, dancing around the fire, attempting to have a "courtship panel" ::panel fail:: etc. Then, the plan for today was to go to Kelley's farm and blow up the groundhog holes.
Today was rainy and humid and overall disgusting. But the plan was still a go. Elisha and I arrived and we had to go get Angel who had missed the house and was parked down the street a bit. So Kelley drove the 4-wheeler and Elisha and I side-saddled on the back thru the fields and stuff. When we were all there it was time to go out to find the holes. Elisha and I were on one 4wheeler and Angel and Kelley on the other, Angel was driving so we were going pretty slow :) (he'd never driven one before).
We drove around looking for holes, Elisha and I drove off down the field ourselves to look for some holes he remembered from before. We couldn't find any fresh ones so we came back to where Angel and Kelley were. They had found some holes so we parked the 4wheeler at a distance, along with the multiple containers of gas we'd brought along. The guys began to pour gas down 4 or 5 of the holes - there were tons. Then after the other 3 of us had backed away, Kelley threw a match down one hole, while standing in the middle of the other 3 holes. Immediately - KAAABOOOOMMM!!! A huge fireball explodes into the air with a blast from every hole while Kelley ducked in cover between the fire. The guys and I went running to get away from it but it was over as soon as it started except a lingering fire which we steered clear of in case it was going to explode more.
After we decided to not pour more gas down any of the holes for fear of it being attached to one of the other holes with fire still in it and blowing ourselves up - yes, we can be smart - we decided to move onto another colony of groundhog holes.
When we had first arrived out in the field, it was just starting to sprinkle and the clouds looked ominious, by this point, there was a stead rain falling and the thunder was clapping louder over our heads but the storm still wasn't quite there and we decided to stick it out a little longer.
Anyway, we get to the new colony and find about 4 holes which we pour gasoline in. The guys wanted me to throw the match in so I agreed reluctantly and told them if I died it was their fault. So I stood behind the hole so the fire wouldn't blow in my face and threw the match in.
It didn't make a KABOOM sound again but huge puffs of fire blew out of three of the holes, while dodging one of them I almost ran into another one. It was exhilerating. We then examined the holes to see what was happening in them and saw there was still a fire in one of them. So we decided to stomp it out with dirt and keep going.
Then suddenly, the storm was right over us. We're in a field, which is the better option? Under a tree or in the middle of a field? Kelley and I felt safe since we were the shortest though :)
Thunder boomed above and lightening shot through the sky, and a downpour quickly soaked us. We ran to the 4wheelers and jumped on heading full speed for the house. Elisha and I got out faster than the other two so we're racing ahead, and the rain is coming down so hard we can't see anything and we're laughing about how insane we are when we realize Kelley went a different way up the field and we're like uh oh can we still go this way?? But we could, fortunately. As we kept going toward the house the rain got harder and heavier and I couldn't see a thing, hopefully Elisha could see better than I could since he was driving.
We pulled up to the house and leaped off the 4wheelers and ran for cover. We were all completely and utterly soaked. All we could do was laugh at ourselves and how crazy we were but how much fun it was. Mrs A took a picture of us before we trudged through the house with our soppy clothes to change. What a relief it was to put on some dry clothes and curl up on the couch with hot chocolate and watch The Patriot. Aahh Mel Gibson :D
Crazy day with crazy friends = perfect memory.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Remembering Grandpa
I have a lot of grandpas. And out of all of my grandpas, Grandpa Jones was the one I knew the best - and with no offense to all my others - he was probably my favorite. And I had the joy and privilege of living with him for quite a few years of my life, and although I don't remember much from when I lived with him as a kid, in the past few years I got to know and appreciate him even more.
Grandpa was so selfless and giving of what he had. From putting up with our family of 7 in his condo, or planting a tree for each grandchild in the front yard, to sending all the girl cousins out on a shopping spree - regardless of the cost, he just wanted to make sure we had fun - to paying for all of us to come visit them in Florida, to buying us kids computers, and putting together my furniture and fixing the dining room table for a caregroup event - which meant flipping the whole thing upside down. I never heard a single complaint. Never did I hear him raise his voice, or angry - he was such a happy old man who loved his family and doing things around the house and building his retaining wall out back, or just riding around the yard on his lawn mower. He was steady and hardworking. Even when he got to the point of having to stop and take a break from his work every few minutes and sit down, he kept at it until the job was done. I miss just sitting inside the house and watching him work meticulously on his retaining wall, or come home to see him just driving his beloved lawn mower around the yard (that he wouldn't let me drive).
It wasn't until I was older that I understood how hilarious Grandpa was. Whether it was a completely random email about our old cat Spats, which he renamed Tom, or signing an email with a Get Smart quote, or hanging a note on the thermostat the day after my parents moved out that said, "touch the thermostat and you die. granpa", or walking into the family room to find all the cousins dancing the cha cha slide and joining right in, or suddenly jumping into a conversation with a joke or comment out of the blue - he always left us laughing. If you ever want a glimpse into what Grandpa was like, sit in on a family conversation sometime, they very quickly dissolve into making the world a better place with luxury porta potties or some insane gagdet or plan to make life easier.
I love how Grandpa loved Grandma. He was not always emotionally expressive - at least around me - but I could always tell just from the way he looked at her that he adored her. He would tell me that she was quite a catch and how pretty she is. I remember one time holding up a camera to take a picture of them when they weren't expecting it, and he saw me and put his arm around Grandma and smiled with this look on his face that said, "this here is my woman!" He was so proud of his wife, and so are we all. Grandma, I want to give honor where honor is due, you are a woman of God, the family stronghold, always pointing us back to the Lord, and we respect and love you dearly. Your faithfulness to God and your family was reaped in Grandpa's life and continues to show in the lives of us kids. You will have much reward in heaven. You are one of my heroes, and I want to be like you when I grow up.
Grandpa was so selfless and giving of what he had. From putting up with our family of 7 in his condo, or planting a tree for each grandchild in the front yard, to sending all the girl cousins out on a shopping spree - regardless of the cost, he just wanted to make sure we had fun - to paying for all of us to come visit them in Florida, to buying us kids computers, and putting together my furniture and fixing the dining room table for a caregroup event - which meant flipping the whole thing upside down. I never heard a single complaint. Never did I hear him raise his voice, or angry - he was such a happy old man who loved his family and doing things around the house and building his retaining wall out back, or just riding around the yard on his lawn mower. He was steady and hardworking. Even when he got to the point of having to stop and take a break from his work every few minutes and sit down, he kept at it until the job was done. I miss just sitting inside the house and watching him work meticulously on his retaining wall, or come home to see him just driving his beloved lawn mower around the yard (that he wouldn't let me drive).
It wasn't until I was older that I understood how hilarious Grandpa was. Whether it was a completely random email about our old cat Spats, which he renamed Tom, or signing an email with a Get Smart quote, or hanging a note on the thermostat the day after my parents moved out that said, "touch the thermostat and you die. granpa", or walking into the family room to find all the cousins dancing the cha cha slide and joining right in, or suddenly jumping into a conversation with a joke or comment out of the blue - he always left us laughing. If you ever want a glimpse into what Grandpa was like, sit in on a family conversation sometime, they very quickly dissolve into making the world a better place with luxury porta potties or some insane gagdet or plan to make life easier.
I love how Grandpa loved Grandma. He was not always emotionally expressive - at least around me - but I could always tell just from the way he looked at her that he adored her. He would tell me that she was quite a catch and how pretty she is. I remember one time holding up a camera to take a picture of them when they weren't expecting it, and he saw me and put his arm around Grandma and smiled with this look on his face that said, "this here is my woman!" He was so proud of his wife, and so are we all. Grandma, I want to give honor where honor is due, you are a woman of God, the family stronghold, always pointing us back to the Lord, and we respect and love you dearly. Your faithfulness to God and your family was reaped in Grandpa's life and continues to show in the lives of us kids. You will have much reward in heaven. You are one of my heroes, and I want to be like you when I grow up.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
When a person reacts positively to tragedy - that's a miracle. Psalm 23 concludes with the glorious line: "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." That's God's way of saying that life will often be filled with goodness, but that even when God's goodness cannot be seen, his mercy can be experienced! In the midst of tears, heartbreak, enormous loss, and terrible sorrow, suddenly a sweet mood, like a gentle kiss, will touch your wounded heart. That experience is called mercy. It comes as an expression of God's love.The good news I have for you is: God promises mercy adequate enough to meet any tragedy.
-Robert Schuller
i miss him.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
favorite hymn
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Altar
A broken ALTAR, Lord thy servant rears,
Made of a heart, and cemented with teares:
Whose parts are as thy hand did frame;
No workmans tool hath touch'd the same
A HEART alone
Is such a stone,
As nothing but
Thy pow'r doth cut.
Wherefore each part
Of my hard heart
Meets in this frame,
To praise thy Name:
That if I chance to hold my peace,
These stones to praise thee may not cease.
O let thy blessed SACRIFICE be mine,
And sanctifie this ALTAR to be thine.
by george herbert
Striving After God
True art is made noble and religious by the mind producing it.
For those who feel it, nothing makes the soul so religious and pure as the endeavor to create something perfect.
For God is perfection.
And whoever strives after perfection is striving after God.
Words by Michelangelo
Music by Undine Moore
-we are singing this song in choir. so pretty.
For those who feel it, nothing makes the soul so religious and pure as the endeavor to create something perfect.
For God is perfection.
And whoever strives after perfection is striving after God.
Words by Michelangelo
Music by Undine Moore
-we are singing this song in choir. so pretty.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
whats going on these days
So it's been like a month since I last posted anything, mostly because I've been so busy I haven't had time to sit down and write anything.
Christmas break was pretty blahzay. I couldn't wait for school to start so I could stop sitting around doing nothing and actually get busy.
Well, school started and I'm not bored anymore. I moved up to Towson to live with Lena and Charity in late January and I commute down to UMBC everyday, it's about a 20-30 minute drive depending on traffic. Not bad. So far living with them has been a blast. The house wasn't in good shape when we moved in, needed some serious cleaning, but we buckled down and cleaned that place in the first week or so. We scrubbed the floors and walls and sinks and vacuumed and got it looking liveable. Here is my room so far - still needs some shelves and drawers to be able to put everything away, and the futon and the extra closet space are going to be taken out soon and my keyboard will be brought in.
.
We had birds for the first week that the girl who lived there before had left behind. We did not want them though. Charity was going to take one home, and the other one we had to find a home for, so we asked around, tried to take it back to Petsmart but to no avail. So we took down their big cage and put them in the bathroom for a little while, but then we realized it was too dark and they couldn't find their food or water or each other so we brought them back out into the open and put them in a small cage with a box. She then took both of them home that weekend and was able to get rid of the other one on facebook. So no more birds for us.
So life is fun in Towson, hanging out with the girls, making dinner together, trying to stay warm by doing the cha-cha slide, singing at the top of our lungs and huddling under blankets.
School on the other hand...
I'm taking 5 classes - 15 credits.
Py332 (Statistics for Psychology majors part 2), this class is a continuation of the stats class I took at Shady Grove last year. The deal is though, the campuses teach it two different ways. Over the course of the year we have to come up with a research topic, and do an experiment and write up a review on the results. Last semester at Shady Grove we came up with our topics, and wrote proposals and sent them to IRB (the ethics board for research basically). At UMBC's main campus they start out the second semester with picking out a topic and preparing to write a proposal and then do the experiment (all in one semester). So everything we've covered so far I've already done, but I have to find a new topic and write a new proposal because using what I used last year would be plagiarizing against myself. Hmm...
The Exceptional Child, this class is a Psych class about Special Ed kids. So far everything we've gone over I've learned in multiple Education classes. So it's been pretty boring. The professor talks really quietly in a huge lecture hall and it can be hard to hear her. I'm hoping we'll get away from logistical stuff like IDEA and No Child Left Behind and move onto the actual children.
I'm also taking a History of Women in America class which so far has been pretty interesting. My professor is pretty cool, she brings in music and sound clips for us to listen to from whatever we're studying. We're starting out with the Civil War women and working to the present.
Sensation and Perception -- oh my goodness. From the moment the professor opens his mouth to the moment class is over I have no idea what's going on. Everything he says is over my head and about stuff I've never thought about before but the way he presents it is as if I've already considered all these things before. Questions like, what is real and what are the limits of something being real? Well... I don't know, it just is real. But apparently it's much more than that. Let's hope this starts to make sense soon as I have to think WAY outside of the box.
And my favorite class... the Jubilee Singers. My professor is so awesome and fun and a Christian. The choir is fairly small, with a lot of really good tenors and basses. There aren't too many girls but we can hold our own pretty well. We're singing some gospel type songs like "From the Fount" and "Striving after God" and the classic "Siyahamba" which I already knew from I Cantori.
In other news, Brandy died this week, we'd had her for 10 years and she died of cancer on Monday. :( She was a good dog, always calm unless we got her riled up, and never licked our faces because we didn't like that.
Christmas break was pretty blahzay. I couldn't wait for school to start so I could stop sitting around doing nothing and actually get busy.
Well, school started and I'm not bored anymore. I moved up to Towson to live with Lena and Charity in late January and I commute down to UMBC everyday, it's about a 20-30 minute drive depending on traffic. Not bad. So far living with them has been a blast. The house wasn't in good shape when we moved in, needed some serious cleaning, but we buckled down and cleaned that place in the first week or so. We scrubbed the floors and walls and sinks and vacuumed and got it looking liveable. Here is my room so far - still needs some shelves and drawers to be able to put everything away, and the futon and the extra closet space are going to be taken out soon and my keyboard will be brought in.
.
We had birds for the first week that the girl who lived there before had left behind. We did not want them though. Charity was going to take one home, and the other one we had to find a home for, so we asked around, tried to take it back to Petsmart but to no avail. So we took down their big cage and put them in the bathroom for a little while, but then we realized it was too dark and they couldn't find their food or water or each other so we brought them back out into the open and put them in a small cage with a box. She then took both of them home that weekend and was able to get rid of the other one on facebook. So no more birds for us.
So life is fun in Towson, hanging out with the girls, making dinner together, trying to stay warm by doing the cha-cha slide, singing at the top of our lungs and huddling under blankets.
School on the other hand...
I'm taking 5 classes - 15 credits.
Py332 (Statistics for Psychology majors part 2), this class is a continuation of the stats class I took at Shady Grove last year. The deal is though, the campuses teach it two different ways. Over the course of the year we have to come up with a research topic, and do an experiment and write up a review on the results. Last semester at Shady Grove we came up with our topics, and wrote proposals and sent them to IRB (the ethics board for research basically). At UMBC's main campus they start out the second semester with picking out a topic and preparing to write a proposal and then do the experiment (all in one semester). So everything we've covered so far I've already done, but I have to find a new topic and write a new proposal because using what I used last year would be plagiarizing against myself. Hmm...
The Exceptional Child, this class is a Psych class about Special Ed kids. So far everything we've gone over I've learned in multiple Education classes. So it's been pretty boring. The professor talks really quietly in a huge lecture hall and it can be hard to hear her. I'm hoping we'll get away from logistical stuff like IDEA and No Child Left Behind and move onto the actual children.
I'm also taking a History of Women in America class which so far has been pretty interesting. My professor is pretty cool, she brings in music and sound clips for us to listen to from whatever we're studying. We're starting out with the Civil War women and working to the present.
Sensation and Perception -- oh my goodness. From the moment the professor opens his mouth to the moment class is over I have no idea what's going on. Everything he says is over my head and about stuff I've never thought about before but the way he presents it is as if I've already considered all these things before. Questions like, what is real and what are the limits of something being real? Well... I don't know, it just is real. But apparently it's much more than that. Let's hope this starts to make sense soon as I have to think WAY outside of the box.
And my favorite class... the Jubilee Singers. My professor is so awesome and fun and a Christian. The choir is fairly small, with a lot of really good tenors and basses. There aren't too many girls but we can hold our own pretty well. We're singing some gospel type songs like "From the Fount" and "Striving after God" and the classic "Siyahamba" which I already knew from I Cantori.
In other news, Brandy died this week, we'd had her for 10 years and she died of cancer on Monday. :( She was a good dog, always calm unless we got her riled up, and never licked our faces because we didn't like that.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
"but he gave them no answer"
Meanwhile Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, "Are you the king of the Jews?"
"Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied.
"Yes, it is as you say," Jesus replied.
When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer.
Then Pilate asked him, "Don't you hear the testimony they are bringing against you?"
But Jesus made no reply, not even to a single charge—to the great amazement of the governor.
-Matthew 27:11-14
In the gospels of Matthew and Mark, between this last statement from Jesus, 
"Yes, it is as you say" and when he cries out on the cross, "My God my God why have you forsaken me?", he says nothing. During this time, the Jews - his own people whom he has healed and taught and cared for for years - have thrown him at their leaders to be crucified. They mock him and spit on him, they lie about him and humiliate him with a crown of thorns and a robe and a crude sign that says "king of the jews". Yet he said nothing.
He refused to defend himself. He refused to say a word, because there was nothing that could change Pilate's mind. He refused to remind them of everything he had done, or the miracles he'd performed. He refused to remind them of the many times someone realized he was indeed the Messiah. He refused to tell them they were sinning against God. He refused to prove he was God and strike them down for their unbelief. No, he refused because he loved us. He wasn't here to get revenge for all our sins and prove he was God and not to mess with him.
It's so easy to want revenge on someone who has sinned against us, or sinned against a close friend. It's our human nature, to defend ourselves and those we love. When someone hurts them, we want to get them back. It makes us feel better - or does it? Usually hurting someone back isn't relief for our aching sinful souls. Hurting them in revenge for what they did is only sinning more, and it weighs on our hearts.
Revenge falls under many categories...
Anger : Jesus said, "But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell"
or ... love: Jesus said, Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you....
or maybe judgment: Jesus said, Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
When Jesus had the chance to take out his wrath on us and get revenge for everything we have done to him, he chose not to speak. He didn't even defend himself. Why? First of all, out of pure love for his children, but also as an example to us to demonstrate love even when others hate us. Even when they have wrongfully sinned against us. There is no reason to stand up for ourselves and get mad at others when they've done us wrong, because we have nothing worthy of that shallow glory in ourselves without God. He is the only one who makes us clean, we can't do that in ourselves.
A friend reminded me recently of Jesus when I expressed to her my desire for revenge. She simply told me, even when everyone mocked him and ridiculed him and humiliated him, he didn't respond. There was no reason to. What good would it have done? This stuck with me, that even though I have mocked and hated God he hasn't taken it back out on me. He simply stood there and bore it all. What an example to follow!
The Lord is our avenger, and we need not worry about taking things into our own hands. That got Peter no where in the Garden of Gethsemane when he chopped off the soldier's ear. God will avenge our wrongdoings, we need not fret about the sins of others.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
end of the year survey
2008.....
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
take statistics. live with joneses for like 5 months. watched high school musical haha
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't usually make resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
hmm... probably someone, but no one is coming to mind at the moment.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no
5. What countries did you visit?
no countries this year. :(
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you didn't have in 2008?
greater passion for god
7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
this year has been a bit of a blur.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
finishing one semester of statistics!!! and being done with mc! haha
9. What was your biggest failure?
making bad choices and not trusting god
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
scarlet fever!! rockkk ooonnn
11. What was the best thing you bought?
christmas presents for people
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
dunno
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
mine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
bills, gas
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
being done with mc! and recently, getting hte money to go to umbc and move in with charity and lena!
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
viva la vida, one step at a time, all the single ladies, and basically any other song that played on 99.5 that the guy i worked with would play on his ipod for every aerobics therapy class. haha
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: happier i think
ii. richer or poorer?: richer, but going into debt with school. blaahh
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
listening to my conscience, trusting god
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
being self absorbed, talking to someone, complaining
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family and then with my cousins and grandparents
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
nope
23. How many one-night stands?
none
24. What was your favorite TV program?
law and order svu, reba (!!!), cosby
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i don't "hate" people. strongly dislike, sure there might be a few...
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
cool soundtracks like mamma mia, hairspray and stuff
28. What did you want and get?
to go to umbc
29. What did you want and not get?
new stuff like laptop, car, etc.
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
hairspray, horton hears a who, mamma mia
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 21, had a migraine, drove downtown with ashley and got some food, then went to get license and back to the house to watch a movie, then went out with friends to bailey's and back to the house for a really scary movie
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
not making dumb mistakes.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
i dunno.
34. What kept you sane?
friends
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
no one
37. Who did you miss?
sane people who think logically and don't condemn.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
abby and amy and kevin and alicia and the other amy and danny and rosie and jackie and all the other cool people at work.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
god is in control.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"if i were a boy i think i could understand, how it feels to love a girl i swear i'd be a better man"
"all the single ladies!!... if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!" haha
"i'm not a princess this ain't a fairy, i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..."
"be thou my vision o lord of my heart, naught be all else to me save that thou art, thou my best thought by day or by night, waking or sleeping thy presence my light"
hooray a new year! and lets hope its a better one.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
take statistics. live with joneses for like 5 months. watched high school musical haha
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't usually make resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
hmm... probably someone, but no one is coming to mind at the moment.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no
5. What countries did you visit?
no countries this year. :(
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you didn't have in 2008?
greater passion for god
7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
this year has been a bit of a blur.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
finishing one semester of statistics!!! and being done with mc! haha
9. What was your biggest failure?
making bad choices and not trusting god
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
scarlet fever!! rockkk ooonnn
11. What was the best thing you bought?
christmas presents for people
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
dunno
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
mine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
bills, gas
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
being done with mc! and recently, getting hte money to go to umbc and move in with charity and lena!
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
viva la vida, one step at a time, all the single ladies, and basically any other song that played on 99.5 that the guy i worked with would play on his ipod for every aerobics therapy class. haha
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: happier i think
ii. richer or poorer?: richer, but going into debt with school. blaahh
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
listening to my conscience, trusting god
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
being self absorbed, talking to someone, complaining
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family and then with my cousins and grandparents
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
nope
23. How many one-night stands?
none
24. What was your favorite TV program?
law and order svu, reba (!!!), cosby
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i don't "hate" people. strongly dislike, sure there might be a few...
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
cool soundtracks like mamma mia, hairspray and stuff
28. What did you want and get?
to go to umbc
29. What did you want and not get?
new stuff like laptop, car, etc.
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
hairspray, horton hears a who, mamma mia
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 21, had a migraine, drove downtown with ashley and got some food, then went to get license and back to the house to watch a movie, then went out with friends to bailey's and back to the house for a really scary movie
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
not making dumb mistakes.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
i dunno.
34. What kept you sane?
friends
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
no one
37. Who did you miss?
sane people who think logically and don't condemn.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
abby and amy and kevin and alicia and the other amy and danny and rosie and jackie and all the other cool people at work.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
god is in control.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"if i were a boy i think i could understand, how it feels to love a girl i swear i'd be a better man"
"all the single ladies!!... if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!" haha
"i'm not a princess this ain't a fairy, i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..."
"be thou my vision o lord of my heart, naught be all else to me save that thou art, thou my best thought by day or by night, waking or sleeping thy presence my light"
hooray a new year! and lets hope its a better one.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
a profile of a domestic abuser
.a family member/partner who tries to physically or psychologically (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) dominate another.
.behind their charming wit and flattery are lies and manipulation.
many men can be like this without actually physically abusing a woman. they charm you into being their friend, get to know your ins and outs, they jerk you around and treat you like dirt but charm their way out of it and use manipulative words to put it back on you - like it's your fault they are jerks. they take advantage of you and run. but when they come back they use their flattery and charm to back. they domineer you, causing you to feel inferior and fear ever leaving them. you lose all confidence in yourself.
don't allow yourself to stick with one of these guys simply because you think they are all like that, or it's your fault, or you can't find anyone better. you deserve better. he deserves hell.
get out. get out while you still can.
brought to you by a bored psych student.
.behind their charming wit and flattery are lies and manipulation.
many men can be like this without actually physically abusing a woman. they charm you into being their friend, get to know your ins and outs, they jerk you around and treat you like dirt but charm their way out of it and use manipulative words to put it back on you - like it's your fault they are jerks. they take advantage of you and run. but when they come back they use their flattery and charm to back. they domineer you, causing you to feel inferior and fear ever leaving them. you lose all confidence in yourself.
don't allow yourself to stick with one of these guys simply because you think they are all like that, or it's your fault, or you can't find anyone better. you deserve better. he deserves hell.
get out. get out while you still can.
brought to you by a bored psych student.
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